dear caretakers of children: stop telling kids “I don’t care who started it!”. you’re teaching children to ignore unequal power balances. that leads to legitimate belief in things like reverse racism, misandry, heterophobia, etc. you’re teaching children that it’s wrong to retaliate when they are wronged. “who started it” is very, very relevant.

It can also teach them that defending themselves is wrong and set them up for abuse later in life.

It always matters who started it. One person is defending themselves, and one person instigated it. When you tell them you “don’t care who started it” you’ve taught one of them that if they defend themselves they will be punished for doing so. You’ve taught the other one that they can do whatever they wish to others, no one will punish only them for it, their victim will be seen as equally accountable for what happened.

Is that really a lesson you want your kids to absorb?

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