the funniest vampire bullshit will forever be some vampire lamenting having to kill while theyre actively killing and monologuing like “truly, I am the most hated creature in god’s narrowed eye, the new modern prometheus, my purpose an eternal question, my existence a curse. is there a single person, even a fleeting thought, that has ever spent a moment beneath the same moon as I while feeling this unique pain? Pity me, world, for no one now is as miserable as I”

and the dude literally bleeding to death in the vampire’s arms, they never get a line, but if they did, it would probably be “okay now hold up if this is a contest about who’s having the worse fucking night,”

You know, I love a lot of fiction that features this (i.e. Anne Rice), but now I can’t unsee it as a bunch of fucking manpain.

Of course, it makes a big difference if the fictional universe sees blood as food or blood as addiction. Anne Rice was an alcoholic and writing was kind of her replacement addiction. Her vampires can barely control their craving for blood, which is of course how addiction works. They can stay alive without drinking it but the desire is so strong they give in over and over, and they feel guilty for it and for going on living when they’re being destructive. All of which is classic addiction.

In a fictional universe where blood is vampire food, it’s like, portion control dude, you need to drink blood but if you’re killing people when you do it that’s on you.

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