I know this probably isn’t the platform where I’ll reach the most parents, but I think that if we viewed a child’s ‘failures’ as failures on other people’s part to help, kids would be so much better off.
I saw a mother brag about how she took her twelve year old’s phone away for four months until their grades came up… but got angry when people asked what OTHER methods she used to help the child.
Was she sitting down and helping the child with their homework? Was she asking if there was something going on in the child’s school life that was making things harder? Trying to help her study? Actually teaching the child to self-regulate and prioritize tasks? Helping the child keep up with due dates and taking them to study groups?
No, nothing. Just punishing the kid for not doing well, without anything else. Of course the mom was real defensive, even though no one was even judging her—it was other parents interested and seeing if the mom had tips and tricks to make it work! And then it came out that the child had been being bullied in school, leading to their grades slipping. Nothing to do with the phone to begin with.
But the mother saw the child’s grades as simply a reflection of some character flaw, instead of approaching it from a perspective of ‘what can I do to help this child do better?’