things i say that confuse and worry my coworkers:

  • “happy birthday” every time i hand them something
  • “well, that’s not ideal” whenever something is going wrong
  • “we are in the timeline that god abandoned” whenever i’m mildly inconvenienced
  • “can’t you see that your fighting is tearing this family apart?” whenever two or more coworkers are arguing
  • referring to taking medication as “eating medicine”
  • “time to go back to prison!” when putting animals back in their cages
  • referring to inanimate objects as (s)he, particularly when i break something and say “oh no, he’s dead.” this concerns them especially when i follow it up with “that’s not ideal”

  • “what are they gonna do, fire me?”

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