me after finishing a movie: wow that was rly good!! im amazed
movie critics: trashiest movie ever created; possibly the worst movie of the year; complete disgrace
movie critics: best movie of the year. revolutionary. it’s a cinematic masterpiece
me: what the actual fuck did I just watch
Frantic science guy: it’s not ready yet!
White guy with gravelly voice: it’s going to have to be
Frantic science guy: *looks nervously at doodles on page*
I’m getting so disgusted with shitty movies and other commercial fiction getting adulation and money and the stupid media carrying on about how brilliant these crappy creations are. I mean, magazines and talk shows are corporate shills, these articles carry on about how wonderful Arrested Development or something is because the magazines and the tv shows are owned by the same company, not because they believe it. But I’m just so fed up I’m starting to wonder if I should try to make it a rule not to pay for movies or tv shows beyond my Netflix membership.
Oh, it’s futile, I know. I just wish there was some way to stop them from generating so much shit AND getting paid for it.
New idea for Hollywood: Have some new ideas
Concept: No more movies about a retired/reformed thief going on “one last heist” get made. Ever.
I reiterate: Hollywood, come to AO3 and beg us for help. You need it.
Went to see Now You See Me 2 tonight, which was good.
One of the previews before it was for something called Swiss Army Man.
Okay, Hollywood, you are officially out of ideas. Go to AO3 and start begging for help. You need us bad.
@sayruq said: swiss army man is pretty original tho
I wouldn’t say that. It’s Castaway meets Weekend at Bernie’s.
You know how in action movies the main guy is always like “Yeah I’ve got a contact here in Uzbekistan that owes me a favor” for no discernible reason but it occurred to me that like that’s basically what internet friends are like if I was in that situation I’d be like “Yeah don’t worry leave it to me. I’ve got a mutual in the Netherlands whose selfie I reblogged one time.”
#If you ever come to Chile looking for a member of an evil organization #And you need someone to help you kill them and hide the body #Holla @ me just sayin’ #No but seriously now I’m thinking about an actual action movie #In which the hero is like ‘don’t worry I have a contact there. I follow them on twitter’ #‘we talked about our mutual love of nutella one’ #‘and they said I looked cute in my selfie’ #‘they’re legit. I know they can be trusted’ #Everything said with a super serious action movie hero voice #And said to the leader of whatever thing the hero works for #Who is a super serious person who wears suits and frowns a lot #My imagination went funny places
No but seriously though. You know that trope where there’s some ordinary dude who gets pulled into a web of intrigue by some badass sexy lady and then ends up being even better at stuff than the lady? Imagine that reversed. Imagine some English Lit grad student with a huge fandom tumblr accidentally witnesses a crime and some badass spy dude shows up and is like “your life is in danger, you have to come with me, and now that you’re involved you might as well help us track down the bad guys” and it’s funny because she’s not at all an action type but then he’s like “well it looks like the bad guys are doing something devious in New Zealand, better set up camp in an abandoned mine shaft” and she’s all “No wait, I totally know someone there who always tags me in reblogs about my obscure OTPs, she would 1000% let us use her place, look I already fanmailed her” and then later he’s like “Oh, we found the bad guy camp in rural Sweden but there’s no time for backup to arrive from our base before their evil plan goes down!” and she’s like “Oh hold up, did you say Sweden, because I defs know someone from there and they always leave super supportive replies on my personal posts and they will definitely have my back, give me a sec to send them an ask” and the dude is like “HOW DO YOU HAVE A BETTER INTERNATIONAL NETWORK OF ALLIES THAN ME”
I’ve got a closet I could stuff you in in Canada.