When I die I want to be buried with grave goods that make future archaeologists think I was of much higher status than I actually was so that my grave will be referred to as a princely burial and I’ll be remembered by some cool name like “The Colchester Barrow Princess” (I’ve decided that I will be buried in a highly visible barrow, possibly with a ship) and the National Trust will erect a small museum about me filled with entirely incorrect but cool sounding archaeological assumptions

Be buried literally holding a sword and axe and then sit back and watch the endless ‘powerful warrior queen v. just usual valuable grave goods indicating a high status individual’ debate from the afterlife.

I want a spring-loaded casket and non-degrading glitter. I will be remembered as “that *£^$% thing that killed Professor Hannover”

As an archaelogist I completely support this.

“Characteristic of 21st century society is the sharp delineation between the funerary practices of more conservative, traditionalist groups and the generally younger and more creative subcultures. While those who identified as more conservative nevertheless frequently included personal items in their grave goods, the individuality of their burials pales in comparison with the eccentricity and extravagance of the neoteric groups. 

Funerary archaeologists have been hard pressed to find commonalities between these individualistic burials. It is likely that members of these subgroups competed to include the most unique ritual items amongst the grave goods of the deceased.

One example from Colchester could be read as a highly detailed homage to the seventh-century Taplow boat burial. Dendrochronology of the vessel dates the burial to the mid- to late-21st century. The opulence of the burial is at odds with what we know of contemporary social structure. As such, it is likely that the deceased or their family wished to indicate a strong connection to the area by aligning their identity with the Anglo-Saxon royal history of the region.

Another example, this one from Milton Keynes, included a bewildering array of items. Archaeologists uncovered a Tudor coin, a Whitney Houston CD, and a mobile phone inscribed “Bite me, historians”. Taken together, these grave goods indicate a disdain for archaeological research and the reconstruction of identity using material culture. It is possible that members of this subgroup sought to use creative anachronism to conceal the date of their death. Some researchers have argued that individuals buried under similar circumstances believed that this knowledge could be used for identity fraud or necromancy.

There has been some research done into the psychological trauma associated with excavating human remains. Most of this research has focused on the emotional challenges of excavating mass graves resulting from genocide or plague, with the occasional footnote regarding individual burials (such as the excavation of a lead coffin in Whitechapel which produced a fountain of liquefied Roman remains when the air seal was pierced). It is my view, however, that further research in this field is urgently needed following the sad and horrifying events of the recent excavations on Orkney. I am sure I do not need to go into further detail about the dig that shook our discipline to the core, and will refrain from doing so. For those of a gruesome persuasion, the full excavation report has been lodged with the ADS. Field archaeologists are advised to wear protective clothing including goggles and, where possible, shields when excavating graves of this period.

Professor Hannover is sincerely missed and a monograph of papers in her honour is scheduled for publication next year.”

… it got better.



Things that have been bothering me #327: how do solarpunk and lunar punk societies deal with their dead? Are the people of floating cities set adrift in the ocean? Cremation takes a lot of energy and embalming can damage the environment, and eventually we run out of space to bury people. On top of that, would they even want people being buried, away from the sun and the moon?? Or would something like sky burial or the towers of silence be more practical to them? Who tends to their dead, and what stigma does that have? What does a solar or lunar punk funeral look like? What are their mourning traditions? Are they afraid of death? THESE ARE THINGS I NEED TO KNOW

I’ve always thought that solarpunk communities (if on land) would create memory forests, like in this actual coffin design (that is currently illegal in the US). I think sky burial (also currently illegal) would make a comeback as well. The reason it’s illegal right now is because the metal in hip replacements and other surgeries can choke the vultures, and the toxic chemicals we put in dying people’s bodies can poison them. I imagine solarpunk would respect people enough to tell them their options (you can go on this system that will prolong your life for a few weeks, but it will make a sky burial impossible. what do you want?). 

I’m not sure what people do when they live in areas with a lot of sea water. I’d suggest looking up traditional burial methods of some peoples in the Pacific, where there is a lot of sand (no good for burying people) and very little actual landmass. 

Anyway, I think solarpunk would put an emphasis, where they could, on the person dying. And the people who tend the dead would be seen as vital to the community of course – you can’t have life without death. I see solarpunk as taking death very much into the community, not hiding it away. Solarpunks would respect the lives of those who have passed, holding intimate funerals and wakes to honor them. But they would also honor the detrivores that will ‘recycle’ the life they knew into new things. Instead of pumping bodies full of formaldehyde and other preservatives, they would encourage the body to return naturally to the earth. 

I hate that the biodegradable burial pod is illegal. And it wasn’t so long ago that cremation, my own plan, was illegal in a lot of Western nations (because traditional Christian belief is that when the Second Coming happens God will resurrect all our bodies and stuff us back into them, ugh).

I have never understood why we pay a mint for coffins that will take thousands of years to decay instead of using a plain wood one which will decay promptly. And why all the toxic chemicals? What are we, ancient Egyptians?












Cemetery forests would be great, if you could get them to work out ecologically. Not only would you have healthy, sustainable burials with physical markers to mourn at, you’d also inspire emotional investment in conservation and promote old-growth forests. No one wants to chop down great-great-great-grandpa Karkat the oak tree for lumber.


you’re kidding me

You want a haunted forest. That’s how you get a haunted forest

Well, better a haunted forest than a haunted useless plot of land filled with concrete and steel and hundreds of gallons of poison that we have to constantly manicure. Haunted forests are classy *and* contribute to the world by absorbing CO2 and producing oxygen, providing shelter for wildlife, and help get goth teenagers to appreciate nature.

“We laid him to rest up on boot hill. Now he’s a right pretty poplar that moans his killer’s name when there’s a light breeze and a full moon.”

I could get behind this plan.

Also: either all forests are haunted or none are

Hobbyist forester here. All forests are haunted, yes, but not necessarily by things formally human. Also this is a good idea and I endorse it.

I’ve been talking about this for ages

You are describing a traditional Malay cemetery. Trees (usually flowering) were planted to mark a grave and served as a tombstone. In older settlements, entire forests comprised the local cemetery but in more modern eras, people began to bury their dead in their own gardens.

After independence and nation-building, we took a page out of the British’s book and began collecting remains from household gardens and put everything together in state cemeteries.

And I should know, my grandpa was one of the guys in the Department of Works (now Jabatan Kerja Raya) who literally dug around for bone fragments around then-Malaya when the state cemetery idea was being realised.

Anyway, the forest cemetery is one of the root (pun intended) causes for one of our oldest superstitions: DON’T FUCKING SHOUT OR RAISE YOUR VOICE IN THE FOREST, THERE ARE SPIRITS ABOUT AND THEY DON’T FUCK AROUND

not only that, the usual connection of flowering tree for the cemetery is frangipani. But somehow, our Balinese cousins see the flower as a welcoming flower, and here we are (idk if i could speak for the groups but for those who put frangipani as a cemetery associated symbol) having them as death symbol

this urn will turn you into a tree after you die


and you can choose what kind of tree you want to become


just imagine cemeteries looking like this


life after death


this is how all cemeteries should look. its awkward to hug a gravestone. imagine hugging your grandma/tree. ugh rebuild all cemeteries

I’ve always intended to be cremated, but this looks even better.