I visited the museum and I heard two bros in the dinosaur exhibit having an earnest discussion about the best way to kill a T-Rex with a sword and what kind of armour should be worn into the battle and they spoke with such passion I really wish the scientific community could have heard them. I’d love to know how palaeontologists would weigh in on The Great Debate.

For instance, was the bro in the weed shorts right? Is it pointless to wear heavy armour when battling a T-Rex? Is it truly better to go into battle naked wielding dual swords? Or was the bro in the backwards cap correct? Should you go for a double-handed sword and iron armour? Will light bouncing off the armour really confuse and blind the beast? Realistically, what protection is armour against a dinosaur? Was Weed Shorts right when he proposed to use his superior agility to slash its tendons and stab the eyes when he brought it down? Or was Backwards Cap right when he said charge and slash open its soft belly?? What is the truth??!??

Hello, palaeontologist-in-training here! Thought I’d have a little think into this because hey, who wants to do coursework on trilobites when you could be considering T. rex instead?

  • Light and maneuverable is probably best when facing a rex. It’s big and it’s powerful but it’s not going to making any quick sharp turns any time soon.
  • According to our current estimates, a T. rex would be able to crush a small car with its jaws, so realistically, no amount of armour is gonna protect you if it grabs you.
  • If the T. rex manages to grab you you’re dead regardless. It could probably eat you within a couple of bites if it was trying.

Figures 1 & 2: Theoretical T. rex bite-force model fucking up a mini. Thank you, Bill Oddie and BBC’s The Truth About Killer Dinosaurs.

As far as armour goes, lighter is better, and at the end of the day isn’t going to mean shit anyway. T. rex can’t slash at you with claws, so it’s bite or bust, and if it bites YOU’RE bust. So, lets say a point to Weed Shorts. Why NOT fight a T. rex butt naked with swords.

  • T. rex had good binocular vision. Don’t believe Jurassic Park’s lies –T. rex was a hunter and could probably see you brilliantly whether you moved or not.
  • That said, a T. rex’s eyesight will work about the same as modern birds of prey. Think hawk, or eagle. I reckon light bouncing off anything would be a fairly minor hindrance, or at least, wouldn’t affect it any more than any other hunting bird.

So, using light to blind and confuse the rex? May potentially work but might be hard and wouldn’t do much for long. Don’t rely on this for strategy.

  • T. rex actually had gastralia, sometimes called ‘belly-ribs’. These protected and supported the internal organs.There would also be some seriously thick abdominal muscles to get through.
  • Unless you’re planning to do some precision stabbing with a very long sword, chances are you’re not gonna be killing a rex by slicing open it’s stomach. Also, being under its stomach is gonna put you in-reach of the Jaws Of Death.
  • I’m not sure how easy it would be, or how well it would work, to try and cut a T. rex’s tendons. Theoretically, sounds like it should work. However, you’re gonna need a lot of strength to get through them, probably.
  • I’d personally cut the throat rather than stab through the eyes once the rex is down, but that’s probably personal preference. Once you’ve felled it, it’s dead either way! A T. rex unable to hunt is a dead T. rex.

Figure 3: The gastralia of a T. rex. Bless u Scott Hartman for your skeletal references.

As far as attack goes, the belly is not as weak a spot as it seems. So, point to Weed Shorts on his execution plan. Sounds pretty solid.

Overall, I’d say that Weed Shorts had the best plan to defeat the mighty Tyrannosaurus rex. If you ever see him again, congratulate him on his solid plan of attack.

My favorite thing about paleontologists (and any scientist really, but paleontologists in particular) is that you can ask them COMPLETELY BATSHIT INSANE questions and by God, they will give you a completely Serious answer.

Also @assassinahsoka this reminds me of your guy who wanted to eat a t rex.





Historical footage of the last T-Rex serving his country in WWl.

But isn’t that a Jeep? And the T-Rex is holding a…Browning M2? Which wasn’t used until 1933…

 So I think this footage is actually of WW2.

I’m living for this historical accuracy

Many people think it’s historically inaccurate because the Tyrannosaur doesn’t have feathers, but a buzz cut is pretty standard for military personnel.


Human: Dinosaurs went extinct millennia ago.
Birds: *screaming at 5am*
Human: Sometimes I can still hear their voices.