I’ve had this heart-wrenching thought banging around in my brain for a few days now, and I’m sorry that I’m going to share it with you now.

If Loki’s IW death is real, I refuse to believe he was simply stupid enough to think he could attack Thanos with a dagger and win. If it was real, Loki wanted to die. This was just his latest suicide attempt, and this time it finally worked.

In the first Thor movie, he let go- thinking falling through the void would take his life. But he fell straight into Thanos’ hands. (And I’ve already mentioned how I believe Thanos may have killed Loki more than once while he was torturing Loki)

In Avenger’s, Loki provoked every single one of the Avengers in the way he knew would piss them off the most. Was he secretly trying to see if they could kill him? He did make the comment to Thor- “ The humans think us immortal- shall we test that?” Maybe he genuinely wanted to know.

Then in TTDW, during his talk with Odin, he says- “If I’m for the ax, then for mercy’s sake just swing it.” It’s almost as if he’s begging Odin to kill him rather than lock him in the dungeons with… Himself. Afterwards, Loki does “die,” and if you take the fact that he was avenging his mother out of the equation, that death was just as ridiculous as the one in IW. He sees Thor being beaten down by Kurse, and he runs straight over, impales Kurse and… Just stands there. It’s almost as if he’s ASKING Kurse to do what he did.

So if you think about it in these terms, his death in IW only had to be good enough to trick Thor into believing it wasn’t a suicide. He killed two birds with one stone. He gave his life for his brother and finally, finally found some peace.

I’m not saying I believe this. It’s just something my asshole brain has been hurting me with lately. Cry with me.

Makes sense. :/


“And then I think that maybe I was destined to be alone”

because i can’t get over that loki was so sad he literally killed himself because of his immense depression. loki the neglected, sweet, prince who found out he was the hated enemy of his own kingdom deserved so much more. the loki that fell, never really came back.




[loki & odin scene – script]

For those of you who don’t understand:

Loki spent his entire fucking life trying to get Odin’s approval. He wanted so much just to be loved the same as his brother. Loki loved his father so goddamn much and after learning he wasn’t even of the same blood, it was suddenly that much harder to accomplish this. In this scene, it was Loki’s last chance. All Odin had to do was to show him understanding, or love, or something, ANYTHING, to keep his hope alive. When Odin failed to do this, Loki lost all hope. When Loki let go it wasn’t to fake his death, it wasn’t to escape punishment. Loki meant to die right then and there. I understand that Odin was too blind to this to stop Loki, but this was not some scheme. This was heartbreak. Loki did start down a self-destructive path, but in the end, he looked to his father and Odin failed him.

Ouch. I’m actually typing blind because this kind of stuff always makes me tear up.


Also, a brief follow-up to my earlier post, as a general comment: I don’t know any clearer way of expressing profound pain than to commit suicide. But after Loki has canonically tried to kill himself in front of Thor’s very eyes, Thor still can’t even be bothered to so much as correctly recognize the source of Loki’s pain. He still thinks it is all and only about himself. About trying to hurt him over ‘imagined slights.’ (Even here he can’t grasp the idea that maybe at some point previously he genuinely did hurt Loki and that was still wrong regardless of anything that came after – nope it’s all in Loki’s head.)

About him. Not about Loki’s own identity or desire to be acknowledged by others. Not about the fact that his adopted father point-blank rejected him when he was literally hanging over the edge of a void begging for paternal recognition and love. No, it’s only ever been about Thor in Thor’s mind, apparently.

If that more than anything doesn’t illustrate how little Thor ever actually acknowledges the reality of Loki’s emotional life as a separate valid thing, I don’t know what will.